Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


A Rare Flower
Prologue

     A small house sat quietly upon its small plot of land.  A radio inside was giving the latest on the war.
                                    "The Germans' have invaded the United States and are
killing Americans in the thousands. Citizens are encouraged
to take up arms and defend themselves.  The military is
doing all it can to defend from further invasion from the sea
and air. Little is being done to eliminate the threat already
within the borders …"
     Click.  A young woman switched the radio off with a deft flick of her wrist.  She turned to a young child who had been sitting on the floor in front of the radio.  The year was 2154 and the world was once again at war; particularly Germany and the United States.  "You shouldn’t be listening to such horrible things." she scolded gently.
     "Mommy," the six year old child said quietly, "is it true that the army people are too weak to handle the German people?"
     The mother sighed and knelt so that she could look her son in the eye, "No, Cain, it's not true.  Don't forget.  Daddy's fighting, and you know he'll make sure nothing bad happens," as she said this though the sound of gun fire pierced through the night.  The woman ran to the window and peeked out, what she saw was over a hundred German soldiers marching down the street and breaking into every house they came across.  She pulled away from the window and ran to her son.  "Come along, Cain, hurry!"
     "But, Mommy…"
     "No time for arguing, honey, just move."  She grabbed her sons hand and ran towards the back of the house as the Germans' reached her door and began to break in.  She shoved Cain into a small cupboard and closed the door just as the soldiers burst into the room; she turned and ran for the window.
     "Halte!" the lead soldier shouted at her and fired.  A single scream tore from her lips as she fell…
And Cain awoke.
©2007-2009 ~ShearaGoldwing
:iconshearagoldwing:

Author's Comments

........
not really much to say about this one. The story is about two soldiers that fall in love during a war and ... well... it sorta just developed from their.
WARNING: Slash in future chapters

oh and i'm, writing this with a co-author so some of it might seem a bit strange and rushed but that is how it turned out.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmiwabo88:
Damn Germans, always attacking everyone. I guess anymore Americans are the same way.

No need to discuss politics right now though.

Also, I'm not sure if you want constructive criticism or not, but I'm going to give it anyway.

It flows together quite nicely. The dialog felt real for the mother and Cain. I must say one thing though. I felt like the Germans attacked too quickly. I understand that it's a prologue, though I think it would have been nice to drag out the German attack a little bit more. Maybe make a few more every day things happen before they come.

Suggestions? I'd say have the mother give Cain a bath or cook dinner for him. Even let him go to bed and while his mother is tucking him away, kill her off.

Now, I'm not sure if this is a vision or a memory, but if it's the latter, this could play an interesting role in the story. He could be afraid to sleep for the very fact that someone he was close to and loved was killed while he was on the verge of it. This might serve to keep him on the run constantly.

Maybe I'm planning ahead too much. If this isn't how the story is going to go, ignore everything I said. However, if it does have something to do with him running from the Germans or him being a soldier, I think this could play a run role.
:iconshearagoldwing:
thanks for the critisism
i really appreciate it
but it's actually a memory in dream form from 16 years in the past from where this actually begins
thanks alot for the comment though

Details

September 18, 2007
2.6 KB

Statistics

2
0
126 (0 today)
1 (0 today)

Site Map